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…I’m nearly 30 but there’s something about relationships with friends from high school - they always manage to bring you back to…well… high school. About six months ago I reconnected with a high school friend when I traveled to her city for work. I wasn’t out in high school but my group of friends and I were always open about sexuality in general and there was a general openness to LGBT identies, including bisexuality. I only mention that because she wasn’t out in high school either so our reunion included coming out to each other - more on my end than on hers since she’s pretty open about her identity on social media etc. Anyway from the second I came out (as bi, which felt lame in its own right) the entire mood of the evening changed. I don’t know, there was just this electricity between us. We were at a crowded tapas bar but it felt like we were the only two people in the restaurant. Then we had “a moment”… pretty much the only “moment” I’ve ever had in my entire life. Our eyes were fixed on on each other for what felt like minutes but was probably something like fifteen seconds. She just stopped talking mid-sentence when I licked my lips unintentionally and then we just sat there, staring at each other. It was R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S but went nowhere because she has a girlfriend. I met said girlfriend a couple of weeks later and it wasn’t pretty. She was catty and annoying and seeing them together kind of made me sick but I was so into my friend I put up with it just to hang out with her.
Fast forward six months. Another friend of mine from high school who is well versed on my crush on this girl just sent me a text saying that my crush’s FB status just went from “in a relationship” to “single.” Now, I’m acting like I’m in high school. First of all, it’s so high school to hear about your crush’s breakup via text, which is only to confirm a FB status update. #DEAD Second, I’m now paralyzed, uncertain of what to do. I’ve put my feelings on the back burner for the past several months because I’ve already done the whole other woman thing and I’m over that. But now she’s available. I have a hard time believing she’s just single. I can’t even imagine her leaving that relationship unless it’s for someone else. Essentially I’m just scared shitless and I’m looking for excuses not to contact her. How do I even contact her nonchalantly about a breakup that she didn’t tell me about herself? Questions… Questions. So now I’m on my patio drinking moscato and whining on Tumblr.
